This little bit of brilliance popped up on my Facebook feed over the weekend.  I immediately shared it, adding that in my book people who disown their kids were never really parents at all.  I thought I was done after that, but it’s still grinding at me, so I guess I’m not.  And since it’s a day for fools, it seems appropriate to follow up.  

I don’t know why this strikes such a chord with me.  Yes I do.  I can remember when I was in my twenties and wasn’t out yet hearing the horrors other kids faced when their parents found out they were gay.  One was sworn to secrecy and shipped off to college in the east.  Another made the revelation while he was under anesthesia at the dentist and was tossed out of his house when he came to.

I knew my parents would be none too happy when I told them.  I’d been suspect all my life and they’d made it quite clear that in their eyes Gay was not OK.  I didn’t know how bad the reaction would be or how long the fallout would last.  I hadn’t figured out yet that no matter how loudly and definitively they talked about things in theory, they were usually a lot more thoughtful and nuanced in fact.  And they understood the most important part of being parents:  their kids were their kids.  Period.  Everything else was secondary.  Everything.

But I thought my parents were pretty much like everyone else’s.  I figured if terrible things could happen to my friends they could happen to me, too.  I also had an aunt and uncle who came close to cutting off ties with their straight kids who “lived in sin” with their boyfriends and girlfriends.  I was sure they wouldn’t blink before throwing one under the bus if he came out of the closet.  Was it a family trait?  Who knew?  So I waited until I was done with college and knew I could fend for myself before the big sit down.

I’m not going to say it was easy.  As I expected, they weren’t happy.  My dad’s first words were, “Yeah, when did you decide this?”  My mom’s were, “I’m glad you told us.”  Then – and here’s where they get the gold star – when I told them about my friends who were thrown out and disowned, she said, “Well that’s just ridiculous.”

From there we worked it out.  We could since I knew I was on solid ground and wasn’t going to find the locks changed the next time I came to the house.   Sometimes they even surprised me.  For instance, we had the talk in early April and they invited my boyfriend to Thanksgiving dinner that fall.

The point is they got it.  They understood that when you make a baby you’re connected for life.  They’re yours forever.  If you’re not up for that kind of commitment DON’T MAKE THE BABY!  Get a dog.  No, don’t.  A dog deserves someone with a heart and a parent who can turn on his or her child doesn’t fill that bill.

OK.  Now I’m done.