Well, I didn’t win the Powerball – again.  No big surprise.  I don’t even live in a Powerball state, so I never bought a ticket.  No, I didn’t even delegate to friends in states where it would have been possible.

That makes it all a little easier to take.  At least I’m not out the $10 or $20 I might have blown before losing – the way I did when Mega Millions hit the big time a few months back with a $600+ million jackpot.  There’s nothing like that feeling of complete emptiness that comes when you realize that not only have you not won the big prize, you haven’t even recouped the cost of your tickets – a feeling I’m all too familiar with.  

I’m not the greedy type.  I wouldn’t have needed to win that big prize.  Second-tier winners can clear between $100,000 and $1 million.  I’d think my money was well spent, invested even, with a return like that.  Hell I’d be happy with a few hundred dollars.  Any income is good income.

Unlike me, the dilettante, my mother is a serious player.  She has a slate of numbers scientifically chosen based on family birthdates and anniversaries and she re-uses the same pre-marked computer sheet twice a week, as she has for years.  She’s never been a big winner, so she doesn’t lounge around a McMansion in a chinchilla robe sipping coffee from a diamond-encrusted “World’s Best Mom” mug.  Sometimes she wins a few dollars, though, and that keeps her going.  She’s never been the daredevil type, so I figure this is her version of sky diving or bungee jumping.

For me, gambling has never been a big draw.  I might feel differently if I’d ever won anything.  I haven’t, so I have a darker view of the whole process.  When I was a kid I was mystified by the adults I knew who made regular pilgrimages to Reno and Vegas to throw money away sitting at slot machines, playing Black Jack or shooting craps.  (I’ve often thought the last one is a cleaned up version of what most players shout when they lose.)  Later, when I was over 21 and casinos were popping up on reservations all over the country, I was beyond perplexed.  I was confounded.  Far from being the glamorous fun spots I saw in TV commercials, they were sad, low-end, depressing places filled with inebriated people who probably couldn’t afford to be there in the first place.

Sorry.  I guess I went a little beyond the realm of picking numbers at your local convenience store.  I may have just watched too many tragic films like “Casino” or the classic Barbara Stanwyck flick “The Lady Gambles.”  But in a way it’s all the same, kind of an allegory on the evils of riches.  High hopes and big dreams set against a miserable and desperate backdrop.

I don’t want to rain on anyone else’s parade.  And to tell the truth, I’ll probably drop a sawbuck on Mega Millions the next time it hits a new high, only to feel like a chump again when I come up with rocks like Charlie Brown on Halloween.  I know it makes no sense, but as long as I’m not risking my rent I think it’s OK.

According to the website, the next Mega Millions jackpot is $12 million.  Hardly seems worth a trip to 7-Eleven.