Thank God for the American Family Association.  If it weren’t for this uber-alert Christian watchdog agency, none of us would have realized the terrible threat that national Mix It Up Day poses to the very fiber of families in this country.  Whereas I would have taken the purpose of a day dedicated to encouraging kids to spend some time with those outside their usual group of friends as a chance to build bridges among the cliques that naturally form in schools and, with luck, reduce the incidents of exclusion and bullying that occur, the AFA has revealed the true nature of the day.  

Mix It Up Day, set for October 30 this year, is a bad idea.  Bad, bad, bad.  Terrible.  Evil.  It will give rise to rampant homosexuality in America’s youth.  We know that was the Southern Poverty Law Center’s reason for creating it.  Even kids who have never had a sexual thought and those who have never had a sexual thought except for the opposite sex will be inexorably drawn to the love that dare not speak its name.  Homosexuality is just so darned attractive that given the chance, it will drive heterosexuality right off the planet and the only way humans will reproduce is with turkey basters and test tubes.

Luckily gay kids are the only ones who are singled out for bullying in any school anywhere and since they’re going straight – I mean directly – to hell in a hand basket, they deserve what they get.  So as long as we keep them separated from our own “normal” kids who would never, ever be gay because we have raised them correctly, we don’t need events like Mix It Up Day.  We definitely don’t need to make any effort to show our kids that the weird goth girl or the poor kid or the African American kid that they see every day but never talk to is kinda cool or at least someone to be respected.

Yes, thanks to the AFA, 200 schools have already opted out of Mix It Up Day, saving thousands of students from the perils of an expanded world view.  We can only hope their efforts continue to be successful so we can maintain the status quo.

Praise the Lord and pass the blinders!