Rick Santorum is a gift that keeps on giving.  Maybe not in the sheer volume that Sarah Palin does.  On the other hand, he doesn’t have a voice that makes me want to slam my head against a wall till it bleeds, either.  So, tossup.  

I’ve been reading about Rick’s latest speech for the Values Voters Summit in DC this weekend.  He hit the news circuits for admitting that the smart people would never be with the conservatives – along with the media, who are clearly the Spawn of Satan.  Actually, he said, “the elite smart people.”  I don’t know who the “elite smart people” are as opposed to the other smart people.  I assume he thinks there are other smart people, because why would you stick with a group that absolutely no smart people endorsed?  Still, I always thought smart people were elite by virtue of being smart.

Welcome to GOP World.  It’s like Bizzaro World in the old Superman comic books.  Everything is an imperfect copy of things in the real world.

Santorum did make another distinction.  He said elite smart people “believe they should have the power to tell you what to do.”  Like when they think you should have a transvaginal ultrasound before you can have an abortion.  No wait.  That wasn’t the elite smart people.  Then it must be like when they make you go through lengthy and expensive legal machinations to approximate the rights you would have if you could just marry your partner.  No, that’s not right, either.

OK, let’s get back to that.  We know that in conservative parlance, Elite = Bad/Evil/Socialist/Possibly Gay.  Conversely, Not Elite = Good/Christian/Right/AMERICAN.  So Rick’s not saying there are no smart conservatives.  He’s saying the smart conservatives are regular people who live in regular homes in regular neighborhoods.  Like he does.  No.  Hold on.  Then like Newt Gingrich does.  No, wrong again.  Paul Ryan?  No.

I’m sure I can come up with an example.  Let’s come back to that.

In the 90-second clip I watched (which was all I could take), he countered the Republicans’ concentration on the economy saying there is no conservative movement, no American future, without two institutions:  The Family and The Church.

Huge applause from the crowd.

I think most of us can get on board with the whole family thing.  All of us come from families, after all.  My friends Jeff and John who’ve been together for over 30 years are a great example of —  No?  How about Sherry and Linda?  Over 20 years together, two kids and —  Well, I do know this other couple – I’ll call them Sam and Grace.  They’ve been married 30 years.  Sam drinks – a lot.  Grace is a compulsive eater.  They have three kids.  One’s in jail, one’s in rehab and one is on welfare after dropping out of high school.  None of them talk to their parents.  That’s a family?  Great.  I knew I could think of one.

I’m guessing my friend Mohammed doesn’t actually belong to “The Church,” so I’m not even going into that.  Christian = Good.  Protestant = Even Better!  All others might as well be “elite.”

I think Ray Bradbury or Rod Serling could have really done something with GOP World if they could ever have conceived of the 21^st Century Republican brain.  Maybe better they didn’t, though.  I had a hard enough time sleeping when I was reading “The Shining.”  This might have given me permanent insomnia.