Just when I think I’m out, they pull me back in again. I keep telling myself I’m going to move on to fun topics only and then I see something that makes my head explode.

OK, I’ll admit it. Sometimes I ask for it.  For instance, I liked the Raw Story page on Facebook partially because of the great tidbits of nuttiness they pull from Fox so I don’t have to watch it myself. Further admission, I would NEVER waste my time watching Fox. You could stab me in both eyes with a “Vote Romney” pin and throw me off a pile of the money Donald Trump is supposed to have first.  

And while Fox “News” and The O’Reilly Factor are pretty funny, nothing – not even The Five – is as absurd as Fox and Friends, which spends every morning channeling the grouchy, intolerant geezers and geezeresses that I knew when I was a kid. You know, the ones who greet every tiny change in the world with an angry, “What do they need to do that for? In my day that would never have happened. We didn’t have (fill in the blank} back then.”

The link I got today took it to a new level.  My fave clownsters Steve Doocy, Elizabeth Hasselbeck and Brian Kilmeade were completely twitterpated over Target’s decision not to separate toys and bedding by gender.

Oh my Gawd! What is the world coming to?

What indeed?

What followed was a four-minute segment – with a live remote! – on what “gender-neutral” means. That was why they needed Alcides Segui reporting from somewhere in Florida. (Why Florida? Who knows?) No one in the studio knew or could figure it out.

Once Segui explained, he and Doocy and Kilmeade went into a tizzy over how confusing that would be. How would they tell the difference? The guys just wanted to be able to pick out a gender-appropriate toy their kids would like and how were they going to do that if they didn’t know if they were looking at a boy toy or a girl toy? And what about the poor kids? (That’s figuratively poor.  Actual poor kids are on their own – and why would they be toy shopping anyway?) How would they know which toys to like if the store didn’t tell them?

Those god damned Satan-loving PC liberals are bringing us one step closer to Armageddon – again!

Of course they also managed to drop the hint that this is only the beginning.  All it would take is one email from a rabid lefty and – Poof! (Yes, I chose that word on purpose.) – kids’ clothes will become gender-neutral, too. And still more mass confusion will ensue.

You may not think four minutes is a long time to spend on this nonsense, but think about this.  It would take less than ten seconds for one of these bozos to say, “Target is making their toy departments gender-neutral – whatever that means,” for a second to say, “That would be so confusing,” and for a third to say, “Shut up, you moron.”  No discussion needed.  No hand-wringing needed. Especially no on-site reporting needed. That leaves three minutes and fifty seconds of, “Blah, blah, blah, we don’t understand why things have to change and we’re not going to try.”

As usual, we find conservatives bemoaning the traumas that changes will give the children without acknowledging that those kids don’t have any of the preconceptions and issues that adults do. If kids run into a Target and all the toys are mixed together, they will find the toys they want whether their parents think those choices are gender-appropriate or not. To her credit, Hasselbeck said she was confident kids could find the toys they want – just before she went back to the specter of unisex clothing.

Finally, regarding this terrible confusion the Fox guys expect to experience. Since there are no more conventional people on the planet, I have no doubt that they’ll be able to determine that a Barbie is what they consider the proper choice for a girl and GI Joe for a boy. I seriously doubt any GOP boys are in danger of opening a box of Power Puff Girls or Bratz on their birthdays.

In his typical empathy-free way Kilmeade wrapped up by asking, “Who are we helping? The nine people who are upset by this?” reminding us that no one on Fox would walk a mile in anyone else’s shoes, because they don’t like cheap footwear.

It would be so great to have conversations about real issues.  Maybe we will someday.