A friend just sent me a Huffington Post article with this headline:

Ybor Resort And Spa, Gay Florida Bathhouse, Offers Free Admission
To Republican Convention Delegates

He thought it might be a good topic for me.  He was right.  I feel like it’s part of a trend of gays coming into our most precious institutions and jazzing them up a little.  When I read the piece, my mind immediately flashed back to the great Grindr crash in London at the beginning of the Olympics.

If you’re not in the know, Grindr is a smartphone app that allows gay men – mostly young and hot – to find other gay men – mostly young and hot – nearby who are interested in getting together for “activities.”  Usually naked ones.  It’s cute that Grindr doesn’t want to be pegged as a hookup site, so all the sex references are in very lightly disguised code.  “Looking for in-shape guys who like to stay on top of things” is a good example.  (If you don’t get it, you either need a tutor or you need to steer clear of Grindr.)

The big ha-ha about the Grindr crash was that it occurred just as the Olympic athletes were pouring into London.  There’s no way to know for sure if any of the randy app users were part of the Olympic contingent.  The fault may lie solely with the thousands of well-heeled gay men who flocked to the UK and were hoping for the chance to “meet up” with a potential medalist.  On the other hand, even if you take a conservative estimate of 2% – 3% of the population being gay – except in Iran, where President Ahmadinejad has assured us the figure is 0% – there were probably at least 100 young, fit, hormonal gay boys among the over 10,000 athletes who descended on Merry Olde England.  Add those to the hordes hunting them and you have a recipe for a social network meltdown.

Ybor just brings us the latest round of “we are everywhere – even if you want to pretend that we aren’t” by throwing the towel down and the doors open not only to the Log Cabin Republicans (who are a bigger mystery to me than quarks, btw) but to every closeted fundamentalist Tom, Dick and Larry who wants to take a few minutes/hours away from what I’m sure will be uber-scintillating speeches about workin’ hard, killin’ Ay-rabs, keepin’ control of American lady parts and doin’ it without payin’ another gall darned cent to the dag nabbed govermint.  (Mocking language refers only to the dog-whistling convention speakers, not necessarily to all Republicans everywhere.)

Suddenly it’s clear why the networks are only carrying three hours in prime time.  God, if the whole thing weren’t threatened by Hurricane Isaac, why would anyone cover it at all?

I’ll be interested to see how many in this bastion of family values heterosexuality break ranks for some hot, sweaty southern decadence.  Oh, Ybor’s going to have to tell us, aren’t they?  No names, although I’d love that.  I’ll settle for numbers.  Let’s see, at 2,286 delegates that’d be about 22 guys.  Not enough to fill Ybor to overflowing and most are probably not going to be young or athletic, but I’m sure it would still make an interesting list.